Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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