She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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