I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
