please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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