Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
