Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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