so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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