All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
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you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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