glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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