I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
