I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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