make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
