great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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