she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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