Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize