I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His nipple licking is glorious
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