also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
