i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
