get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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