You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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