your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
