I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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