Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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