thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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