What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
