um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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