I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
