she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
