My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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