Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
