He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
