I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
bring money and cleavage
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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