I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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