were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
