My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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