is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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