It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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