her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
