We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
