and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My balls are so social today.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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