So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
