You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
