We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize