she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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