mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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