fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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