areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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