I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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