I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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