It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
