I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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