it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
