Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
