i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
