I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
