I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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