Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I believe in your delicious
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
