My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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