I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
