My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
