wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
