You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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