Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need a burrito and a hug.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
