Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
