The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
