youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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