the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
