This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its not stalking. its research.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
