I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
