Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
