All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
